Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Le Musings of Moi

Apparently I like that phrase as I believe that I used a similar one on a previous blog title. Anyway... I have felt all the feels lately. The highs and lows. The bland in between. Even though nothing catastrophic has occurred lately, there has been some upheaval. An upheaval of our daily routine, circle of friends, free time... some of these things are very good. However, when I look over even the past year... wow, I am so very thankful for all of the CHANGE. 

We get so nervous about change. I recently had a significant change at work. A couple of coworkers that I had become close to... close to their spouses and families... rather abruptly moved away. At first I was surprised, devastated, sad, worried... like I said, all the feels. The gradual result of this event has been a growth within me that was not really awakened until this change. I am beginning to hold things a little more loosely than I was. I am beginning to not take things quite so personally. I am beginning to see potential within myself that I dared not consider previously. 

And what has brought much of this about? Yep. Change. 

So the initial change may have been worrisome, but the resulting CHANGES are of much greater worth. With each step towards growth, I am becoming more confident. I am opening my heart more to help others. I am giving others the benefit of the doubt. 

The Bible certainly speak to this point. What was it James said in chapter 1? 

"Dear brothers and sisters,[a] when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (NLT) 

Is that easy? Not for me. Was my initial thought when my friends left joy? Nope. What about the thought of the additional workload and responsibilities that would be required of me? Trepidation. 

You may be sitting there thinking I am a whiny adolescent with this topic, but I can assure you that the feelings have not felt as such. My faith was tested. I considered if I was where God wanted me. If I was doing what He asked of me. If I was needed. Once I stood and chose (because there is always a choice in the matter) to learn and to grow out of this situation, my perspective ever so slowly began to shift. The pain-points became initiators of grow. 

I do not claim to be perfect and complete in this matter. Far from it. But my eyes have been opened to some truths that I have not considered in a long time, if ever. Places in my heart that I did not realize have been shut down for many years, are beginning to cautiously open. 

The trials. The change. It can feel like the end some times... yet it really can be the beginning. The birth of something inside of you that you didn't even know existed. 

Thank you for letting me share some of my growth with you. I am blogging again. Something that has been shut off for some time. Is beginning to open. 

Because of change. 

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Unlimited Potential

The Executive Vice President of Positive Alternative Radio (PAR) and Spirit FM Radio (where I'm currently employed) gave us an incredible challenge on Friday. When we face failures or setbacks, what is our natural tendency? To fall apart. To let it keep us down. To speak lies to ourselves that we are failures. We aren't worthy. We can never do anything right. That kind of mindset is a fixed mindset. We can only see the here and now. We cannot see beyond today. All we know is the failure and hopelessness we are FEELING now. What is the alternative? A step towards growth. Whoa. What? Instead of allowing a setback to destroy us - what if we found opportunities for growth? What if we decided to "fail forward?"

This lesson hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been stuck. In my mind. In my actions. In my heart. But why?

Some incredible opportunities for growth have developed this past year - the first of which, I am working at Spirit FM. An honest, godly, loving, supportive work environment that fosters growth like none that I have seen. Since January, I have been given countless environments to grow and excel. Even with small failures, I am encouraged to try again and continue to pursue my passions. Yes, this is real. It exists. I cannot hardly believe it sometimes either.

I am not here to brag. Not my intention. In today's post though... I want you to know that this CAN exist. And maybe it begins with you bringing just this one truth to the table at your workplace this next week: unlimited potential. No matter your age, education or background - you have the potential to grow, learn and become more!

What are you passionate about? What sets your heart aflame? Go after it no matter the opposition! It's not too late. Maybe you are not as technologically savvy as you would like - take a class. Maybe you have something that you want to share musically but feel you lack talent? Find a mentor! If it is in your heart, find the method to get it out. You don't want to look back and wonder why you never took the chance. If you were to fail... well, you would be in the same spot you are now. But you would have TRIED.

Tell yourself this today -- you have unlimited potential. You really can do just about anything that you set your mind to... as long as you focus on a mindset of growth. You really CAN do it.

Let me know how it turns out!

Monday, March 9, 2015

Dreaming of You

Since before I can remember, I have yearned to be a mommy. That's right. Not just a mom, but someone's mommy. I had Cabbage Patch twins - Beth and Seth - and a toddler sized doll, Erin. I played pretend and dreamed of the one thing I was missing to make my family complete - the husband and daddy to stand beside me.

Well, I am now 30. I have the husband - maybe not quite the one I was looking for - but still no children. No hope for children at this point. After the struggle of the past 3 years or so, we still have not recovered. 

Now as the entire world - according to my Facebook newsfeed - has children or is pregnant, I cannot escape the suffocating thought that I will never know what that is like. You see, I don't even think it's the right time for us to have a baby. We are living in an apartment over a garage on my inlaw's' property. We are just beginning to get on our feet financially after almost 5 years of marriage. Anyone smart would say it is just not wise to consider bringing a baby into such an unstable environment. I would tend to agree. But that's not the point. The fact that there is no mystery or chance that we could get pregnant, pushes that dream further and further away. 

"You're young," they tell me. "You have plenty of time," they say. And those same people had children in their early twenties and are now enjoying their grandchildren. I don't think they intend to be cruel, but how could they possibly relate? How can I say goodbye to the dream that was before me my entire life? I had no ambition of changing the world, climbing the corporate ladder or being noticed socially.. I only wanted to be a mommy.

"You want it too much," is what I'm told. So what about the women who never wanted a child? Who choose to end life before it can really begin? What is it about this seemingly simple concept that I fail to grasp? Is it just me? Am I being picked on? These are the thoughts and questions I wrestle with every day. 

I know that He hears me and He cares. I have and continue to look for the lesson I'm supposed to learn. The hidden truth I'm not seeing. But as more time passes and there seems to be no rhyme or reason, I wonder if it's just a cruel joke? We are not promised happiness in this life. Only peace and the strength to circumnavigate the trials that come our way. 

For now, that has to be enough.. 

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Asking for Signs

Seems to me that we have become quite comfortable with requesting signs of God's presence or power before we can place our faith in Him. Well that is simply not faith at all. At least not faith in the Almighty God. In essence we are desiring faith in something WE can see.. something WE can experience.. prior to acknowledging the Creator of the universe.

Oswald Chambers brought more clarity to this subject for me today. Check out the post from today (December 6th, 2014).

I believe that he brings this idea home much better than I ever could:

"Waiting for God to act is fleshly unbelief. It means that I have no faith in Him. I wait for Him to do something in me so I may trust in that. But God won’t do it, because that is not the basis of the God-and-man relationship. Man must go beyond the physical body and feelings in his covenant with God, just as God goes beyond Himself in reaching out with His covenant to man. It is a question of faith in God— a very rare thing. We only have faith in our feelings. I don’t believe God until He puts something tangible in my hand, so that I know I have it. Then I say, “Now I believe.” There is no faith exhibited in that. God says, “Look to Me, and be saved…” (Isaiah 45:22)."

Ask yourself what you are demanding of the Lord. I find that I am constantly asking Him to validate my feelings.. validate His leading so that I can feel more comfortable in following Him. What a splash of cold water to face! My job is not to demand of God, but to trust IN Him and ON Him to lead me.

Until next time..

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Some Musings..

"God does not lead His children around hardship, but leads them straight through hardship. But He leads! And amidst the hardship, He is nearer to them than ever before." (Otto Dibelius)

With the Christmas season upon us, I know that it can be the most difficult time of year for some. While everyone around you is smiling and beaming with the joy of the season, all you feel is pain. I have been there. Does not matter what is causing the pain. A break-up, family conflict, new town, same ole town, loss of a loved one, bad report from the doctor... doesn't really matter what the cause, the pain can be suffocating. 

A few years ago, I went through the most painful time in my life. I had recently found out that my husband of two years was having an affair with a woman (child) 12 years his younger. Even after I found out, it did not end. For reasons that I can only really understand now, I felt that I could not leave my marriage. I had to stay with my husband no matter how ugly or painful the relationship had become. By Christmastime, we were 7 months into this crazy cycle. While we were still living under the same roof, we were miles apart. I do not proclaim to be perfect. I was in physical, emotional and psychological pain each and every day. I lost over 30 lbs in a few short months. My friends and family were worried about me, and consistently encouraged me to walk away from my marriage. Something that would seem sensible and logical to most. But sense and logic were not my guides. It took my entire world falling apart to finally stop and follow the only True Guide. I could not clearly explain why I felt the Lord leading me in this way, but I knew it as well as I knew my name. 

Time has dulled the pain. My husband and I are now completely reconciled and in a mentor counseling relationship with a godly older couple. But the pain of those long months where I could not see the path and could not feel His presence are still fresh on my mind. At this time of year, I am reminded of all that I have to be thankful for. 

The quote above may seem simple and of little comfort at first glance. Take a deeper look. Allow your heart to feel the comfort therein. He, the Creator of all things... the great I AM... cares deeply about our pain. Even when we cannot feel Him, He is right there. We need only take a moment to stop and listen for His voice. Stretch out our hand in faith to grasp His sure grip. He will never fail us. He will never lead us astray. He will never take us through what we cannot bear. He will give us the strength to bear it. 

Hardship may be all around us. Even now, God is leading me through some difficult times with painful lessons. But He leads!! A passage comes to mind that has been of great comfort to me:

" Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (James 1:2-4, NLT)

Spend some time reading from the Word today. It is truly the only possession on this earth that can change your life and infuse you with true hope from our Loving Father. Until next time..

Friday, November 28, 2014


Remember. When the storm rages on, and you can't see the way. Remember. He Who rescued you and set your feet upon dry ground has not moved or changed. This, He will never do. No matter your guilt, station or heart, He does not your side abandon. In the dry season or the time of less, look to the Great Provider for your sustenance. He does not leave you hungry still. Upon the mountain of prosperity and peace, forget not your Savior and Portion. For when friends are many and trials so few, our hearts forge the chill of night and the pain of hunger. Lord, teach me to be practiced in thankfulness. To be mindful of Your hand over my life. For my state is beyond my power - good or bad - the Lord allows all. Remind me. Cause me to remember.

The First

I am a twenty-something female who grew up in a Christian home, attended a private Christian school and graduated from a Christian university. Sound vanilla to you? While those are nice things to mention in a Bible study group or introduction, they lack the full spectrum of all that embodied my formative years. Despite the environments that surrounded me during my formative years, I grew up never knowing the truth of lordship or understanding the vast power of grace.

If you find yourself relating on any level, I will be happy to share my journey from Christian atheist to humble Christ follower.